On energy drinks
As much as we'd like to think differently, energy drinks still don't have as much caffeine as good ol' coffee (they have about half, from what I understand). But it seems like with the success of Red Bull and other assorted purveyers of the nectar of the gods, we've been confronted with an assault of pep. My two favorites earn dubious distinctions.First up, Tab. Yep, the sultan of saccharin is back - only this time without the cancer. Coca-Cola opted for sucralose (Splenda) as the sweetener this time around, though a decade after the original Tab was pulled for causing cancer in lab rats the soda was put back on the market. (Side note: friends and I once had the "cancer challenge," wherein we had to drink a sixer of Tab and not get cancer. I won.) The new energy drink has a spiffy can and the Tab name...and tastes like garbage. Kinda tastes like banana a little (actual banana, which you don't expect from something so blatantly artificial), but mostly still tastes like cancer. Next!
Vault. Another gem produced by Coke, the company claims that it's trying to outduel Mountain Dew as the official drinks of mountain bikers, snowboarders, and other douchebags who can't seem to stop speaking at 3.2 DPS ("dudes" per sentence). I tried this stuff out the other day, and it seemed to bring me back a couple of years, though I couldn't quite figure it out. I decided to give it another go, and again the taste was unbelievably familiar. The I studied the bottle, the color of the drink, smelled it - and it hit me. Coke is bringing back that most vaunted of the covert energy drinks - SUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGE. That's right, kiddies, it's only a matter of time before your local Lazer Tag arena opens up again.
posted by Werd @ 3:58 PM
5 Comments:
I laughed out loud in my school library at 3.2 DPS.
dude - rock star is where it's at. that's what got me through midterms, tho my nerves were shot by the end and i thought i was going to have a heart attack (limbs shaking, smell of toast). and like the best energy drinks, it was bright-neon-piss-yellow!
Yeah, don't know who Liz is, but she is right spot on, boy howdy. ROCKSTAR!
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
-Vault does taste kinda Surgey.
-i drank a lot of Monster and Omega during mid-terms. i like Omega because the warning reads like something off a carton o' cigarettes: it's bad for pregnant chixxx and will cause lung cancer.
Post a Comment
<< Home