Friday, January 11, 2008

I gotta get back on this horse!

Okay, so now that things are beginning to calm down after my whirlwind December and New Years, I think I'm ready to start writing in my journal again (poor neglected journal!) and to make regular updates again. I'm not deluding myself into thinking that people are riveted to this corner of the series of tubes or anything, I just like making updates. SO BACK OFF.

I'm pretty pumped to be going to Boston this weekend, though. It's the last little bit of traveling I'll be doing for a bit, so hopefully it goes off without a hitch. There's no way it could fail. Going to see the whole gang for a little bit and see KDHL off (booooo), and we're going to see Bane with Silent Drive, Outbreak, and With Honor at the Palladium in Worcester. Ahh, central Mass hardcore, we meet again!

Dirt made an interesting post about our parents' generation. While Crystal accused him of bitter blogging, it gave me the gumption, the chutzpah, to make a post about something in a similar vein. Also, I was inspired by what I saw on the street as I went out to buy edamame just now. (I know, I'm a hippie.)

To me, there's nothing sadder than watching a parent who doesn't want to be a parent. You know the type - they're the ones screaming at their kids, making the kids walk behind them, not paying attention to them, staring off into space as they push the stroller down the street. I saw a woman pushing her baby on Walnut St., and could see this look in her eyes. There was a fire, a passion that was dying inside her, and I could see it flare up as she crossed the street and die down a little as she looked down into the stroller. She was pretty young, mid 20s I would guess, and had a big honkin ring on her finger. But the look in her eyes made me want to shake her out of her reverie, put the drum sticks (that she no doubt put down when she got married) back in her hand, and tell her that her life isn't over. And I wanted to believe that, too.

I don't think I would be a good parent. I'm not patient enough, and I'm too bitter about so many things, and I don't think I would ever be able to forgive a little brat for changing my life forever. I just don't understand this inexorable desire to procreate - I just don't. I also don't get this obsession with marriage, either. If I love someone, I'll be with them for as long as I can stand him or her, or until he or she can't stand me anymore. And I'm not about to let the fucking state tell me what I can and can't do it about it. That's some bullshit right there.

Maybe I'll change my mind on all this someday - I'm open to that possibility. Maybe when I get older I'll decide there's nothing more precious that having a little poop machine cry through the night. Maybe I decide that having a ring on my finger makes me a real man. But right now, I'm calling bullshit.

"And it's so much more that just fucking clothes -
It's in the way that you cannot sit still,
Chewing on words but spitting out actions;
Fire the fire that burns so deep inside."

- "Every Effort Made" by Bane (from Holding This Moment)


At 2:23 PM, Blogger March said...


At 5:07 PM, Blogger Crystal said...

bitter blogger! uh, kidding.

I'm going to steer clear of the kid thing because I don't have any good answers.

On marriage, I don't know why the state needs to be involved or anything, but I can definitely understand the desire of some people to get someone else to agree, in writing, to stay with them forever, not just until the other person gets sick of them, or however you put it.

The idea of a partner who in theory will stick with you no matter what is pretty appealing. So is the idea of not being lonely. Then of course there's the social pressure in a lot of places.

The problem of course, is that it doesn't really work out that way in the end a lot of the time. People change and grow and fall out of love, and it's mostly unevenly which is sucky and hurtful. Soooo, maybe it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation?? (Who's the bitter blogger now?!) Or, maybe we'd all be fine if it weren't for our baby boomer parents:)

At 11:54 AM, Blogger GonzoMC said...

Yo Drew, I am officially deleting GonzoMC, after over a year of inactivity, so please update your links accordingly. I will let you know if/when I return to cyberspace.


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