Monday, September 18, 2006

The beautiful babies don't work the midnight to six shift on a Wednesday. This is like the skank shift.

It's so true - I know the hard way.

So, at the prompting of some anonymous meanie who got internet today, here I am to tell you of my travels to the strange and exotic world...nay, plane of existence that is Las Vegas.

Vegas was built as a place for white people with liberal guilt to get hustled out of their money on a small scale by minorities in front of their hotels - I know this because my friend got hustled out of twenty bucks he didn't know he was betting until the guy walked off and we apathetically told him that that wasn't cool.

It is in the middle of the desert and it's very hot and windy and dusty.

It's really a city conducive to drugs and alcohol, but not as conducive to sobriety.

"A drug person can learn to handle such things as seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth. But no one should be asked to deal with this trip."

Circus Circus wasn't as screwed-up feeling as I had been hoping, though I suspect it was the lack of hard drugs.

"The only thing that really worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of an ether binge, and I knew we'd get into that rotten stuff pretty soon."

Naked ladies are what Vegas is all about. Exhibit A: Frontier Hotel and Casino

What a place. The Eiffel Tower across from the Statue of Liberty, a few hundred feet from a medieval castle and a pyramid with a Sphinx out front. What a trip, man. So depraved, so sinful, yet so right - a true monument to the greatness of the human imagination and the lengths to which we'll go to get away from the real world.

"No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough."

"-They're gonna give daddy the Rainman suite, you dig that?
-Do you think we'll get there by midnight?
-Baby, we're going to be up five hundy by midnight!"


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