Friday, December 19, 2008

This is just fucked up

I go back to New England on Sunday.

No no, Massachusetts, YOU fuck off.

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Do not fuck with BofA.

Ok, so Wonkette is already covering this a little bit, but check out how fucked up this is. My conspiracydar is picking up massive bleeps, sweeps and creeps.

Yesterday, Bank of America cut off a line of credit to Illinois-based Republic Windows & Doors, a failing company that makes, uh, auto parts and blenders, I think. The loss of credit forced the company to cut off benefits and pay to 250 workers who were in the midst of a sit-in.

This prompted Illinois Governor Rod, uh, spelling....Blagejodsfuidf.....Blagejlkadjflsakdf...copyandpastego! Rod Blagojevich to threaten BofA with knives, swords, and a halt to all state dealings with the gigantor bank. Economics experts said that the move could set a bad president precedent for states meddling in private sectors' affairs. But it was just a threat, so everyone was kinda whatevz.

Except the BofA gestapo. They were decidedly un-whatevz, according to the finest conspiracy theorists out there.

Today, the FBI showed up at Rod "Consonants" Blagojevich's house and arrested him for eleventy billion crimes, including trying to sell Barry Hussein's vacated senate seat to the highest bidder (maybe even giving it to himself, for Festivus!), appointing himself to the head of a non-profit with a $150,000 salary, illegally threatening to withhold state assistance to the now-bankrupt Tribune Company, and blowing up the Death Star.

Rod is officially going to be sleeping with the fishes at the bottom of Lake Michigan by next Monday.

So, BofA, about my staggering credit card debt to you...I'll get you the money by Friday, and you don't care how I get the money, you just want it...? Yea I'm cool with that, of course. English? Yea, I speak it, and yes I'm a motherfucker....